Submitted by: Found next to a normal door handle via Oddly Specific
So tell me, what’s your usual way of depressing a door handle?
The Usual Manner
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Oddly Specific - Funny Signs 
I usually depress a door handle by reminding it how much it sucks to be attached to a door, how its only purpose in life is to be grabbed, pushed, twisted, or yanked until it just gets out of the way.
It’s usually pretty depressed by then…
You’re over doing it.
Just depress it in the usual depressing manner.
Whats the usual-or for that matter- the unusual manner.
That’s very depressing.
you’re fat, door handle.
that’s my d**k’s purpose in life too.
Oh how witty you are.
Shame it never actually gets used. Based on the fact you just said that, I can guess why it’s never used >.>
Just tell it it’s fat. This works particularly well on the round kind.
I usually tell them they were adopted and that nobody loves them
I always tell them that they’re unpolished and don’t have any Facebook friends or Twitter followers.
I point out how successful the other door handles from its high school are. The big, important doors they’re attached to, and all that. Then I offer it a drink.
I play Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers, and other crappy teenybopper music. That usually does the trick.
Please tell me you are deaf or have amazing ear protection. I for one know that when a single digitized note reaches my ears I have the overwhelming desire to pierce my eardrums.
What is Justin Bieber my teacher made me listen to it and oh my god it’s a freaking dude!!!
Half the internet disagrees.
… and by half we mean most of it.
And by most, we mean everyone. Except for bob. Damn you bob
hell yeah buddy! get ya some of those noise cancelling headphones then blast that s**t at it
I turn on Animal Planet and make it watch that commercial for the SPCA that plays “Arms of an Angel” by Sarah McLaughlan over the footage of sad, injured animals. : (
I tell it that it’s the reason its parents got divorced.
I look at it, reach for the door, then make a face and walk off to find another door to exit through.
I’d just show it my 401(k) statement. That usually works for me…
“Your brother is a door handle in a DOCTORS office.”
Ha!!
if u got Marvin to talk to it that might work…
I knew there had to be SOMETHING you could do with a constantly depressed robot!
Here I am, brain the size of a planet….
FINALY! SOMEONE ELSE APART FROM ME WHO HAD HEARD OF THE HITCHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY!
WHY SHOULD I MAKE IT UP? LIFE’S BAD ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT INVENTING ANY MORE OF IT.
All I can say to that is… 42.
Maybe Deep Thought knows…
“Oh great Deep Thought! What is the usual manner to depress a doorknob?”
“Hmm. I shall have to think about that. i shall get back to you in… 500 years. In the meantime, Marvin can tell you more unconventional ways.”
Offer to introduce it to the smug door on the “Heart of Gold” that doesn’t need a door knob.
You know what door handle? I hate you. Oh, what’s that? I’m making you sad? Why don’t you go sit in a corner and cry, emo kid?
I make it listen to Joy Division.
I like to point out that some doors don’t need handles, such as automatic doors, sliding doors, revolving doors and doors that work at upmarket establishments.
Therefore it succumbs to the feeling of worthlessness. Depression is sure to follow.
I usually just sigh and tell it “I’m not angry. Just… disappointed.”
me: Wow. When’s the last time anyone’s cleaned you, you ugly peice of crap?
Door Handle: …
Me: Just give up. Ya know, they have a scrap metal facory a few blocks away.
Door Handle: …
Me: freakin’ peice of useless crap!
Handle: … (depressed)
“I’m sorry, handle, but it’s not you – it’s me.”
You’re ugly and your mother hates you. Everything is your fault.
Wipe off my hand after using it. Maybe on Clinton’s shoulder, if he’s nearby.
cool. Haiku
I just say “your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.”
What… is the airspeed velocity of a unladen swallow?
About 11m/s (24mph), for a European swallow that is.
door handles rock! they’re a water park for bob fred and geofery.
What a heartless person you must be to pull down a door handle. Get it?
lmao this is from the pope building in nottingham university, the same signs are in all the computer labs. obviously they don’t expect much of us uni students :-S
Exit the door? How did you get inside a door in the first place?
Hey this is from the university I went to. Don’t think I ever saw this particular sign though… I would have laughed.
Just say “Your life will never amount to anything but opening doors!”
But… but… What if I want to go IN???
“Hey, did you hear? They’re replacing all the door handles in the building with shiny new ones and tossing all the old ones in the trash”
Job done.
Talk about it’s momma
Insult it by calling it a knob.
Either way you look at it, it is so sad that you would need to tell people how to open a door anyway >.<
Just make it watch ‘Jurassic Bark’. Done and done.