The Usual Manner

Funny Signs - The Usual Manner

Submitted by: Found next to a normal door handle via Oddly Specific

So tell me, what’s your usual way of depressing a door handle?

This entry was posted in ...Seriously?, Informational Signage, instructions, Just Plain Weird and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

57 Responses to The Usual Manner

  1. Yakko Warner says:

    I usually depress a door handle by reminding it how much it sucks to be attached to a door, how its only purpose in life is to be grabbed, pushed, twisted, or yanked until it just gets out of the way.

    It’s usually pretty depressed by then…

  2. Nick says:

    Just tell it it’s fat. This works particularly well on the round kind.

  3. bunnyherder says:

    I always tell them that they’re unpolished and don’t have any Facebook friends or Twitter followers.

  4. Rich says:

    I point out how successful the other door handles from its high school are. The big, important doors they’re attached to, and all that. Then I offer it a drink.

  5. Kameko Suigami says:

    I play Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers, and other crappy teenybopper music. That usually does the trick.

  6. Emocat says:

    I turn on Animal Planet and make it watch that commercial for the SPCA that plays “Arms of an Angel” by Sarah McLaughlan over the footage of sad, injured animals. : (

  7. fish eye no miko says:

    I tell it that it’s the reason its parents got divorced.

  8. philangelus says:

    I look at it, reach for the door, then make a face and walk off to find another door to exit through.

  9. RaraAvis says:

    I’d just show it my 401(k) statement. That usually works for me…

  10. starsky says:

    “Your brother is a door handle in a DOCTORS office.”

  11. KingJulian says:

    if u got Marvin to talk to it that might work…

    • I have no name says:

      I knew there had to be SOMETHING you could do with a constantly depressed robot!

    • Snookie_Townshend says:

      Here I am, brain the size of a planet….

    • KingJulian says:


    • KingJulian says:


    • ferret says:

      All I can say to that is… 42.

    • Flying Penguins says:

      Maybe Deep Thought knows…
      “Oh great Deep Thought! What is the usual manner to depress a doorknob?”
      “Hmm. I shall have to think about that. i shall get back to you in… 500 years. In the meantime, Marvin can tell you more unconventional ways.”

    • Mark says:

      Offer to introduce it to the smug door on the “Heart of Gold” that doesn’t need a door knob.

  12. ferret says:

    You know what door handle? I hate you. Oh, what’s that? I’m making you sad? Why don’t you go sit in a corner and cry, emo kid?

  13. Snookie_Townshend says:

    I make it listen to Joy Division.

  14. Rauss says:

    I like to point out that some doors don’t need handles, such as automatic doors, sliding doors, revolving doors and doors that work at upmarket establishments.

    Therefore it succumbs to the feeling of worthlessness. Depression is sure to follow.

  15. 12inchPianist says:

    I usually just sigh and tell it “I’m not angry. Just… disappointed.”

  16. Amanda says:

    me: Wow. When’s the last time anyone’s cleaned you, you ugly peice of crap?
    Door Handle: …
    Me: Just give up. Ya know, they have a scrap metal facory a few blocks away.
    Door Handle: …
    Me: freakin’ peice of useless crap!
    Handle: … (depressed)

  17. Tarliman says:

    “I’m sorry, handle, but it’s not you – it’s me.”

  18. notolaf says:

    You’re ugly and your mother hates you. Everything is your fault.

  19. nitch says:

    Wipe off my hand after using it. Maybe on Clinton’s shoulder, if he’s nearby.

  20. strix says:

    cool. Haiku

  21. this_is_not_my_name says:

    I just say “your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.”

  22. KingJulian says:

    door handles rock! they’re a water park for bob fred and geofery.

  23. Suicidal Cheez says:

    What a heartless person you must be to pull down a door handle. Get it?

  24. NottsUniStudent says:

    lmao this is from the pope building in nottingham university, the same signs are in all the computer labs. obviously they don’t expect much of us uni students :-S

  25. says:

    Exit the door? How did you get inside a door in the first place?

  26. Lucinda says:

    Hey this is from the university I went to. Don’t think I ever saw this particular sign though… I would have laughed.

  27. Dan Downer says:

    Just say “Your life will never amount to anything but opening doors!”

  28. Palema says:

    But… but… What if I want to go IN???

  29. You says:

    “Hey, did you hear? They’re replacing all the door handles in the building with shiny new ones and tossing all the old ones in the trash”
    Job done.

  30. C says:

    Talk about it’s momma

  31. Coffeebuz says:

    Insult it by calling it a knob.

  32. Turtleguy says:

    Either way you look at it, it is so sad that you would need to tell people how to open a door anyway >.<

  33. TM says:

    Just make it watch ‘Jurassic Bark’. Done and done.

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