I’ll Do My Best To Tell Me I’m Not Here

I'll Do My Best To Tell Me I'm Not Here

Submitted by: Unknown

“Roses are red. Violets are blue. I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I.”

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39 Responses to I’ll Do My Best To Tell Me I’m Not Here

  1. Cowboy696 says:

    There are three flowers in a vase….

  2. izzy says:

    sorry but I’m not here right now.

  3. Arc says:

    I know the quote up there is more popular, but I’m reminded more of “The Chosen” by Voltaire. Oh well. 😛

  4. Dave says:

    But what if you ARE there?

  5. Lizard says:

    Sounds like a fun one to try on telemarketers, “I’m sorry, I’m not home right now”. I usually just tell them, “oh you must be looking for the people that live here, I’m just here robbing the place”

    • skeptic says:

      You might end up in a right mess if one of them suddenly overcomes his ethicectomy and calls the police to inform them of a robbery at your place.

    • Lizard says:

      Not really, I bowl or play golf with most of the local officers, they know my twisted sense of humor.

    • Thalia says:

      I knew there was such thing as an ethicectomy!

    • wren says:

      As a former telemarketer, I can tell you they aren’t impressed. I hope you are amusing yourself, because the telemarketer just thinks, “Whatever”.

    • Betty Stiletto says:

      Yeah Wren, why is it people think it’s amusing to taunt telemarketers, esp with tired old jokes. It’s like going to a factory worker and making fun of them. It’s a job, go after the assh*les who run the company exploiting them

    • MarcParis says:

      Except of course that the factory workers’ jobs don’t involve coming into your home unsolicited, interrupting your meals, waking you up, etc., etc. Yeah, telemarketers are just doing their job. But that’s their choice, not mine.

  6. heidrance says:

    Well, as the girl who gets to answer the phones, I would post a similar sign after hearing “Tell them I’m not here” one too many times….

  7. moonablaze says:

    people with schizophrenia don’t have multiple personalities, though they may hear voices. you’re confusing it with Dissociative identity disorder, in which people manifest multiple distinct personalities.

    • Leigha says:

      yup

      DID is also INCREDIBLY rare, to the extent that some psychologists aren’t even entirely convinced it’s real.

    • bekitty says:

      Oh, DID is real alright. I have a friend with multiples.

      One thing I learned is that alters (the name given to the different personalities inhabiting one body) not only talk and act differently from the others, they also SMELL different. And they can have different disabilities, e.g. one alter may have better vision than another.

    • wren says:

      Thanks for the irrelevant information. Just because you know a fact about something doesn’t mean you have to say it.

    • Thalia says:

      Shut up. I found it interesting.

    • amusedreader says:

      Me too. And I am so sick of people confusing the two conditions. It’s like “close enough is good enough”, which is fine if you don’t live with either one and have to deal with the stigma and assumptions … but hey, it’s not interesting to wren, therefore it’s not interesting to anyone. Might want to look up “narcissism” 😉

    • Betty Stiletto says:

      Thanks Moonblaze

      I wanted to say that too, and I’m no rabid P.C er but I can’t find the humour in that..

    • Thalia says:

      Yeah, I came to the comments to point that out. Thank you.

    • gr8oldgrumpy1 says:

      I also came to the comments to point that out. And so did I.

    • gr8oldgrumpy1 says:

      me too

  8. steve says:

    “If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me. . .” – Jimmy Buffett

  9. KrisL says:

    “Out of my mind, back in 5 minutes.”

  10. Paula says:

    I hate getting dragged in my sisters’ fights with their boyfriends. “Tell him I’m not here!” so I tell them, “She doesn’t want to talk, and I’m not getting involved, so bye.”

    • amusedreader says:

      I’m glad someone understood what the sign is saying. I was going to point it out, just wanted to see if anyone else had first (it’s irritating when twenty thousand people all same the same thing).

      And for those who don’t get it … it’s aimed at those who say “if it’s for me, I’m not here”. Nothing to do with mental illness at ALL

  11. postl1terat1 says:

    I’m neither here nor there about it, so I tried calling me for an opinion but I wasn’t in.

  12. Yolanda says:

    I’m out, I’ve gone to find myself. If I should get back before I return, please ask me to wait. Thank you.

  13. Frank says:

    “Roses are red. Violets are blue. I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I.”

    I laughed

  14. Kerrie says:

    This is a bar sign. When I was a bartender people would call looking for a spouse and ask me to say “He’s not here.” After awhile you just hand them the phone and say “You tell her.” If they wouldn’t take the phone I would tell them, “He says he isn’t here.”

  15. Dante says:

    I’m guessing that the employees got sick of getting calls for patrons and being told, “Tell ’em I ain’t here! You haven’t seem me all night.”

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